


not yet.

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, M/M, Other, don’t hate me pls, this is basically a self insert fic, this is self indulgent as hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25272091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Your eyes widen at his offer, but you don’t think about it.You are desperate to get off this miserable planet, you just never had enough credits to leave.This is your chance.or, cad bane is your ticket off of your home planet that you so desperately want to escape, he offers and you accept.
Relationships: Cad Bane x reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	1. his offer

You cuss, bending down to pick up the shattered plate.  
Your fingers tease around the sharp edges of the ceramic, attempting to avoid getting cut. 

You feel a rough tug at the back fo your shirt, you turn your head to see your boss. 

He hauls you up, sneering down at you. 

“This is the second time this week!” He screams, fist still clutching at your shirt. 

He continues screaming profanities and insults at you, shaking his fists at you. 

“It was an accident, Jared, a patron bumped into me—“  
He interrupted you,  
“Don’t talk back to me. I can fire you in an instant.” He snaps his fingers, showing you how quickly.  
You swallow down your pride, chanting in your mind that you need this job.  
You need it.  
You wince as he calls you  
“Useless”  
But stand your ground, fists clenched in anger.  
You look down, avoiding looking into his eyes as he steps closer to you, giving you a full view of his sharp yellowing teeth, you warily back up. 

You hear someone growl from beside you, you look over and see a blue man, a large hat pulled low over his head.  
He grabs the wrist of your superior, sneering as he gives a fearful look, walking backwards a bit.  
“Apologize.” the newcomer orders, tightening his grip on your bosses thick wrist.  
He stays silent, glaring at the man that you caught recognize, cad bane.  
“Apologize.” he hisses, eyes narrowing dangerously as his other hand hovers over his blaster.  
Jared swallows thickly, adam’s apple  
bobbing up and down.  
“I’m sorry miss, this won’t happen again.” he stumbles over his words, wiping his now released hand on his grease stained apron.

The famed bounty hunter walks away, you following closely behind. 

You catch his wrist, causing him to abruptly stop and turn on his heels. 

a you shove down the small amount of fear in you and ask the question on your mind.  
“Why did you do that?” you ask, still keeping ahold of his thin wrist.  
“You didn’t deserve that.” He says in his thick accent.  
You open your mouth then close it, eyes trailing to the door.  
His eyes narrow at you as he tilts his head to the right. 

“Come with me.” He says, phrased like a offer but said like a demand.  
“What?” you ask,  
“I said, come with me.”  
“To my ship.” he adds, but then realized that sounds severely creepy  
“You are obviously unhappy here.. and I could be your ticket out of here” His Ts are accentuates by his accent, sounding harder than his other letters. 

Your eyes widen at his offer, but you don’t think about it.  
You are desperate to get off this miserable planet, you just never had enough credits to leave.  
This is your chance. 

“Are you sure?” you ask, scuffing your foot against the ground. 

He pauses, thinking about this abrupt proposal. 

“Yes.”  
“You barely know me- in fact you don’t know me at a-“  
He interrupts you, a slight growl in his voice  
“Are you comin or not?”  
“Yes.” you say, no hesitation. 

————-

You step onto the ship, a medium sized duffle bag in hand. 

Cad bane leads you to an extra room, it’s walls barren and cold.  
Corners where piled high with satchels of food and other supplies. 

“You can.. settle in if you’d like. I’ll be in the cockpit if you need me.” 

You drop your bag into the cold metal floor, the contents making an awful clanking noise as they hit it.  
You cringe and bend down, checking for anything broken. 

When you are sure nothing is broken you begin putting things in their new homes, your small amount of clothes fitting in one drawer. 

You hum as you pile your canvases and paints against the left wall, hoping that the bounty hunter would allow you to paint inside his ship.  
You decide to ask him once you are done unpacking. 

———- 

You walk to the cockpit, climbing up the small ladder that leads to it. 

“Hello?” you ask, Bane having his back turned to you.  
He turns in his chair, a small smirk on his lips as he looks at you  
“What?” he drawls it out, scathing it to sound menacing but playful, but also suspicious.

“I was wondering.. if it would be okay with you if I painted?” 

He taps his fingers on the top of the chair. 

But he briefly pauses surprised at your question.  
“Sure- why not“ he says in a clipped tone, his 'not' sounding like a 'naht' but blending in with his gravely twisted words. he determines that he will search your room for weapons soon. 

He doesn’t trust you.  
Yet.  
————


	2. first few weeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok sorry that this one is so short, it’s gearing up for an interesting and (hopefully) long chapter next!

Throughout the first weeks you wander around the ship, poking around in corners and other small niches.   
You want to know the ship,   
you want to know places to hide, if needed.   
Your companion warned you not to go into  
his room, his serious gaze sending a small rush of cold down your spine.  
So you avoid his room.   
Not that you where planning on going in it in the first place. 

————-  
You fill your time with small tasks, painting, reading books on your holopad and watching films. 

You eat silent dinners with your aloof comrade,   
the thick awkward silence only broken by you attempting to make small talk with the bounty hunter. 

One rule was, don’t ask about his work. 

So you didn’t, you talked about small things,   
Him occasionally asking you about your paintings,   
or if you need any supplies. 

You never do.   
——————-  
Idly walking into the armory you see Bane collecting weapons, outing them in discreet pockets of his jacket.   
His blaster already in the holster. 

“Where are you going?” You ask, standing in the doorway watching him with a curios sparkle in your eyes. 

He doesn’t look up but just growls out   
“A job.” 

You shrug of the hostility, now used to his cold exterior. 

He stands up, about to leave when he walks over to a crate, a small blade perched on top. 

“Be.. careful.” you say 

This catches him off guard, he freezes for a small second, his fingers playing across the knife he was going to pack. 

He doesn’t respond to your wish, he just opens the ship door, small tracking device glowing in his gloved hand. 

————-

You sit down on your makeshift chair, a box and two books stacked.   
And dip your paintbrush into the deep red paint in the jar, lifting it up to eye level then brushing it in deep swirls, each stroke lighter than the last. 

You continue this, drenching the once cream colored canvas in rich reds, vivid oranges and pale yellows.   
You grumble slightly as the yellow smears across the pad of your thumb. 

You swipe it across your bare thigh, it’s yellow color stark against your skin tone. 

You continue painting, pushing up paint to creat textured clouds in shades of fire and fallen leaves. 

Humming as you finish your artwork you step away, spine groaning in protest from the change of position. 

You stretch out, arms high above your head and toes scrunching up.   
You check the time, then gasp at the numbers written across the digital clock.   
It was nearly midnight! 

————-

Your body weighed you down as you settled into bed, not bothering to change out of your t-shirt.   
Your eyes drift shut as you marvel at how time passes quickly sometimes and drags on other times, one hour seeming like a limitless stretch of pain and boredom.


	3. trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aHAhahahahahahhaahahhahahahahahahaahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahah  
> ahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahai’mfuckedhahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahha

cbc3

You wake up to the sound of shuffling and heavy breathing.   
You fumble around in the dark looking for the small knife Cad Bane gave you, briefly knocking your elbow on your headboard.   
You hiss from the pain but grasp the hilt of your weapon and turn on the light. 

“Hello?” You ask, carefully walking in the dimly lit armory  
“I have a knife-“ You say, fear building up in your limbs. 

There’s a groan to your right, then a clatter of something metal hitting the floor. 

“Bane-?” You say, voice fearful. 

“(Y/n)—“ says a gruff voice, 

You flick on the lights, then gasp at the sight before you. 

Banes fingers are coated in green blood, pushed under his shirt and pressing down on a wound.

You freeze as he ignores you, still searching for something. 

The med kit. 

You need the med kit. 

You whip around, bare feet hitting the tiles painfully as you run away.

You rummage through cabinets and drawers, searching for the thing that could save him. 

You finally grasp it’s white handle and rush back to the armory where he has sat down and begun ripping his sweater to access the slice. 

“How did this happen?” You frantically ask as you pull out a bacta spray and some bandages, trying to avoid looking at the blood too much. 

“A-“   
You silenced him with a small quip  
“And don’t just say ‘a job’” 

He pauses before answering 

“A bounty attacked me.”   
He said this vaguely, but you where satisfied, knowing this was as much information you where going to get at the moment.

You continue in silence as you run the bacta spray over his wound, hoping the bleeding stops soon. 

“Your lucky that it wasn’t deep.” you offer, attempting to distract him from the painful part of the procedure. 

He hisses in pain, teeth clenched.   
“It was a weak knife.” he says, dropping his head back against the metal hull of the ship.   
You grunt in agreement, biting down on your lip as you wrap his wound tightly. 

“Why are you up this late?” He asks after a beat of silence.   
“I was painting and lost track of time. You woke me up after I fell asleep for a few” 

“Oh” He says, almost an apology.   
Almost. 

“It’s not that bad, I’m usually awake around this time anyway” You try and assure him.

He gives you a quizzical look, but doesn’t press any further. 

————-

You yawn, now reclining next to the healing bounty hunter. 

“Why did you ask me if I wanted to stay aboard your ship?” you ask, finally letting out the question that has been burning at the back of your mind for weeks  
“When we first met” you add for clarification. 

“I.. don’t know.” He says, and this is the truth.   
He doesn’t know.   
“You looked miserable.. and I was..” He trails off, thinking of the right words to express the strange feeling of prompting that invaded his brain, as if some otherworldly force was telling him he needed to protect you  
“Drawn to you.” he finally finishes, 

You lightly laugh, face involuntary hearing up at the odd sort of flattery he presented you. 

“Was that a compliment?” You ask, resting your chin on your hand which was propped up on your knee. 

You grin when he looks away, sneering to try and cover up his growing smile. 

“Oh my god I made you smile!” You say, voice filled with childlike glee. 

“No.” he says, an edge of joy creeping into his voice. 

You let the topic drop, letting the contentment drip into your lungs and throat, letting it hang in the air like glittering fireflies. 

You continue small conversations, meaningless topics rolling of your tongues as your eyelids grow heavier and heavier. 

———-

You wake up, room dimply lit by the fluorescent lights above your heads. 

You blink, trying to remember where you are and why.   
The ship.   
Bane... came back needing assistance. 

It all came back to you, the momentary confusion of the morning washing away, replaced with worry. 

you feel a weight on top of your head, and you look to your right. 

Bane is fast asleep, head resting against your own.   
You briefly think about how much younger he looks when he’s asleep, but then brush those thought away and shake him awake, trying not to jostle him too much. 

“Bane- Wake up” you whisper, he stirs slightly, then his eyes snap open and he tries to move quickly, his arms raised and ready to fight. 

But then it registers that it is you, and he lowers down, wincing as his back hits the hull harshly. 

“We fell asleep.” you say, now getting up and straightening your clothes out with your blood stained hands. 

“Oh” you say, a wave of nausea hitting you suddenly.   
You lean against the wall, clutching your stomach. 

“Shit- are you alright?” He asks, getting up and putting a palm against his side.   
Healed. 

“I’m fine—“ you say, voice wavering   
“I’m fine.” you say, trying again to sound confident. 

He places a hand on your back, his attempts at comforting movements stiff and awkward.   
But you accept them nonetheless. 

“I’m sorry..” You mutter, stomach finally settling.   
“For what?” He asks, narrowing his eyes at the line that could be pulled, at how many times a betrayal was delivered after those words where said.  
“You must think I’m weak.. You can probably handle much more than that.” You answer, gently shrugging of his hand. 

As his hand falls to his side he answers,   
“No.. not many people can do that. Fix a wound without breaking down.” 

You look up, and see something flashing in his red eyes, something you cannot place. 

“Alright..” You say quietly, now stepping away and picking up the strewn about contents of the med kit. 

As he watches you he realizes something, something that he has not thought about anyone for years   
He trusts you. 

You wouldn’t have helped him if you where. planning on killing him, and you would have turned him in ages ago if that was your plan. 

if you weren’t a threat, 

what where you?


	4. small things

After that night, you started to notice things.  
Small things such as,  
How neither of you make an effort to start conversations, but they begin and flow easily.  
Or how, you ask him where he’s going, and he responds with a, still slightly vague, answer. 

————- 

“Heading out?” You ask, already knowing the answer,  
“Yeah.” He answers simply, grabbing a blaster and nothing else.  
“Where are we? Your not taking much...”  
You say the last part quietly, barely above a whisper as your voice trails off in a concerned tone. 

You don’t think he heard the last part, but you don’t repeat yourself. 

“We are in Hoth, I’m going to collect a small bounty.” He says, then adds  
“Small job but good pay.” he says this with a smirk to his voice, as if he’s cheating the person out.  
You shove your feelings of guilt down at his tone, and remind yourself he is a bounty hunter.  
All they care about is money. 

This small sentence hurts you, more than it did before.  
You realized that he has become your friend,  
Something you did not expect to happen, but you welcome it nonetheless.  
You don’t expect him to return the feelings of friendship, and you don’t mind. 

He grabs a large coat, fur framing its thick hood. 

He walks over to a small panel on the wall, tapping it then huffing slightly. 

“If it gets cold in here, there are blankets in one of the cabinets.” He says, feigning an appearance of indifference.  
You try not to smile.  
“And if it gets really bad.. comm me.” He adds, beginning to walk out the door. 

“Good luck!” You say cheerily, readying yourself for a long day of binge watching holo-movies.  
—————

You laugh, munching on the candies you found on the ship, tucked away under other packages of non perishables. 

There where several boxes, he wouldn’t miss one. 

You watched as the man in blue whipped around dramatically, pinning the woman to the wall.  
“I love you- I have since the day we met.” 

You sigh at the cliche, a dreamy and dumb sort of sigh. 

You are wrapped in blankets, more for the coziness than warmth.  
You run your fingers over the soft fabric, thumb and finger creating ovals in the thick fluffy covering. 

You offhandedly wonder where Bane got such lovely blankets, or why a bounty hunter would need them.  
But you don’t complain, you just bury yourself deeper, exhaling through your nose as you do so. 

Then you hear the sound of the ship door opening,  
Has it been that long already?

You peek out the door, still partially wrapped in a blanket. 

You see Cad Bane lugging in an comatose Twi’lek, Her long elegant limbs twitching erratically. 

“Bane?” You ask, hands now on the doorframe. 

He just grunts, dropping the quarry on a pile of packages.  
He begins tying her wrists together, hands bound behind her back and feet in front. 

His hands splay onto the ground, pushing him upward easily.  
He brushes his hands on his knees, a small ritual you have noticed him doing every so often. 

You have found yourself noticing these small things that he does, picking up on the things that make him agitated or calm. 

“How did it go?” you say, now walking closer to him and the unconscious twi’lek female. 

“Easy.” He responded with a bit of smugness weaved into his voice. 

“Where too next, captain?” you say, lifting your right hand to your forehead, saluting him.  
The blanket around your shoulder drops, revealing your simple lounge clothes, cloth shorts and a tank top. 

You scramble to cover yourself up again, face heating in the process. 

“Coruscant. To drop her off” he nods in the twi’leks general direction, his cheeks tinted a faint green. 

He left the room, climbing up the ladder to steer the ship off of the icy planet.  
————


	5. maybe he does have a heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MAT BE TRIGGERING, HARSH LANGUAGE AND INSULTS

cbc4 

You inch closer to the green woman, her limbs now twitching more frequently. 

You bend down, starting to get closer than was advisable. 

“Are you awake?” You whisper, hands resting on the cold floor. 

There was no response, only small breaths leaving her delicate nose. 

You sigh, getting up from your perch. 

You wrap the blanket around your shoulders once again, more secure this time. 

You turned to leave, avoiding tripping on the soft fabric trailing around you. 

“I didn’t know that bounty hunters kept whores around” Someone says behind you, causing you to snap up and stiffen. 

“What?” You say, turning around slowly to face the Twi’lek. 

“I said, I didn’t that bounty hunters kept whores around” She spits at you, sneering.   
“I-I’m not-“ You stutter, attempting to convince her that that’s not why your not there. 

She snorts, lips curling into a wicked smile. 

“I-“   
“Not the prettiest one either..” She taunts, wiggling around to adjust her sitting position. 

You swallow hard, pushing down the feeling of sadness and disgust.   
Tears prick at the corners of your eyes, your nose scrunching up as you sniff. 

“Aww, you gonna cry?” She says, showing her sharpened canines. 

“N-“ Your words of denial where cut short by a noise of blaster being clicked out of a holster. 

“Get out.” Cad Bane growls, motioning for you to leave. 

You walk away, cringing when you hear the sound of a blaster and a body dropping to the floor. 

——————

“Did she hurt you?” You hear your companion ask, not stepping through the doorway. 

You snuggle closer to the bottom of your blanket nest, then mumble 

“No” 

“Then why are you crying?” He says this harshly, as if he does not understand your reasoning. 

“I-I’m not-“ you say weakly, then sigh loudly, giving up on putting on a facade. 

“She said.. some things to me.” You say meekly, avoiding eye contact. 

“What things.” He phrases it like a question but says it as a demand. 

“Nothing important...” You say softly, looking back at the holo-film you paused. 

He stands in the doorway, his body rigid but swaying back and forth ever so slightly. 

“What did she say to you.” He says through gritted teeth. 

“She called me.. a whore..” you mumble this, embarrassed at what events might transpire. 

“Bitch” He whispers menacingly. 

“Did you kill her?” 

“No.. I have to bring her in alive.” He says this with malice and his lips curled into an angry snarl.

You don’t tell him about the other things she said, you don’t tell him how much they hurt, how the harsh insults are going to eat you out from the inside for weeks. 

“What are you doing?” he asks after a beat of tense silence. 

“Watching a holo film, wanna join me?” You say, pushing your sadness aside. 

“No.” he says, but then follows it up with a softer   
“Maybe when the ship lands.” 

You smile as he leaves, starting to believe that this blue bounty hunter maybe does have a heart.  
—————


	6. caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i’m really sorry it so short, i’m just doing a bunch of wip rn and i’m kinda stressed, so forgive me if i don’t post for a bit. i will try though!

cbc5 

You hum your favorite song, fingers blotting at the paint that will eventually become a river. 

The soft noises escaping your lips begin to form words, you not noticing while you focus on your art. 

Your strokes become dry, the edges of the brush blurring the fine lines you created 

You breath out of your nose is annoyance, your song becoming louder and more passionate. 

You wiggle the paintbrush, now acknowledging your singing with full force, doing a strange mix of sitting and dancing, awkward but fun. 

————

Your stomach rumbles, making you realize you haven’t eaten yet. 

You walk up to the kitchen-area of the ship, looking in the small fridge. 

It contained meager options, a small salad and something un identifiable. 

You walk back to your room. 

——————

You now are playing music from a small speaker, dancing around your room. 

You sing, lungs ready to burst, throat scratching slightly. 

Your bare feet fit against the floor, your hips shaking and hands in the air. 

You hear a chuckle behind you, an amused and intrigued laugh. 

“What are you doing?” he asks, leaning his shoulder against the doorframe. 

“I uh... Was dancing..” you say over the music, now cringing at its apparent loudness.   
“How long where you there?” You ask, voice still slightly hoarse.   
You cough, trying to alleviate the burn in your lungs. 

He doesn’t answer, just turns to leave and says   
“Turn it down, my client can hear it.” 

Your face flushes in embarrassment as you worry he will think less of you after seeing your childlike dancing and singing.

You turn the music down, attempting to quite the words attempting to fly out of your closed lips. 

You fail, giving in to the beast that is your favorite music. 

You make sure to keep quite.


	7. a realization occurred

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry it’s so short!

cbc7 

During the weeks after the dancing incident you get to know the bounty hunter even more,   
He really likes this certain candy from a faraway planet, that’s why he has so many boxes.  
He owns ten different versions of his outfit, and once wore high heeled boots. 

And you begin to notice things, you stare at him when he’s not looking, and butterflies fluttering in your stomach whenever he touching you.   
You curse yourself for having feelings for the bastard, but you can’t control them.   
You try and suppress them, saying that he would never love you, he’s a bounty hunter after all. 

But it just makes you fall into a small despair,  
so you decide to cope with the feelings, ignore them but not suppress them.   
So far so good. 

—————-

You sit down, the blue paint already in hand.   
You set out, framing the shape of his face with light pencil then following up with the blue hue of his skin.   
You shade and paint here and there, keeping a wary eye trained to the door as you do so. 

So you know when he comes in, you carefully shift to cover your painting, hoping he doesn’t notice how awkward you are.

“What are you painting?” He says, accent thick with the strange and enthralling mechanical buzz too it. 

“Uhm- nothing!” You chirp, knowing all too well how suspicious you look. 

His eyes narrow, something dropping in the pit of his stomach.   
He knew this day would come, he shouldn’t have trusted you, he shouldn’t have- befriended you. 

He moves closer, his hand inconspicuously resting near, but not on his blaster. 

You swallow thickly, still covering the painting with your body. 

He shoves you aside a bit, more gentle than he would like to admit

But he freezes when he sees what you were painting. 

It was him, his face constructed into something with depth and shade on a flat canvas, his hat ripped in all the correct places. 

He stiffens, then silently walks out of the room.   
You curse yourself for being so stupid, why did you do that? 

But he stands, just outside the room you do not leave, leaning against the wall.

His face is flushed an uncharacteristic green, his long fingers and palm pressed up against his chest.   
You painted him?   
He was touched, you had reached down into his cold heart and pulled something out he had only felt a few times before in his life. 

It felt like a warm drink running down your stomach, not comfortable but not uncomfortable.   
It feels like something you would hear in a movie, something cheesy and overused, but makes sense anyway. 

He swallows, briskly walking back to his room.   
He shuts the door and rests his head in his hands. 

“Fuck.”


	8. an explination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a bit suggestive at the end,

You cringe as the bounty hunter walks out of the room, tears threatening to pull you under into a full wave of sorrow and regret. 

You cant believe you where so stupid, you should have done it.   
He probably knows now, or at least thinks you are creepy. 

Thoughts like these catch in your mind as you lay in bed, staring at the ceiling.  
Tears are collected at the corners of your eyes but they don't fall, just staying in a still limbo of mixed and toiling emotions. 

\-------------

You avoided the blue alien for the next few weeks, not striking up conversations or joking and patting him on the shoulder like you usually do. 

He notices this, and becomes worried.   
Your usually bubbly personality is replaced by an anxiety filled silence that was only broken by his occasional attempt to make you speak or a weak excuse on your side, avoiding eye contact as you leave the room in a rush. 

But he gets fed up. 

Something inside of him demands an explanation, most of him wanting the answer no matter what, but a small part of him is scared.   
He's not sure what he's scared of, exactly. But he knows he is scared all the same. 

\-----------

You look out your door, sighing when you don't see the object of your affections. 3  
Part of you is saddened that he hasn't taken much action with your behavior, but, yet again, your mind reminds you that he is ‘a bounty hunter, afterall’ 

You walk into the kitchen, yourintent to locate some food then scuttle back into your room. 

But that's not what happens.

“You are very good at dodging me.” he states, his voice buzzing and smooth at the same time. It sends shivers down your spine and you swallow.   
“I uh- haven't b-” you try to grapple for an answer, your mind coming up with a large blank. 

He is on you in an instant, his tall form trapping you against the wall. 

He gives you an almost pleading look, his deep red eyes showing an emotion you have never seen him express before.   
“Why have you been avoiding me?” he asks again, the words different but intent the same as the last time.   
You dip your eyes and head down,   
“I thought you were mad at me- for the painting..” you say, fingers beginning to shake from the blood pooling down to their tips as they hang uselessly in the air. 

His gaze softens, although his cage like posture doesn't. 

“Why would you think that?”   
You exhale in relief, taking this sentence as a sign he's not upset.   
That you are just being irrational and overthinking.   
“Well you ran out so quickly- and you seemed upset..?” you look up a bit, surprised at how handsome he looks. 

He is sneering a bit, almost his neutral face you have noticed.   
His eyes aren't narrowed and he is taking little exasperated huffs from in between his gritted teeth. 

But he doesn't answer or respond to your explanation, all he does is look at you, his once expressive eyes dull with little understandable meaning. 

“Were you offended by the painting?” you ask, fretting over his stony silence. 

Again he doesn't respond with words, this time all he does is grunt, more of a harsh breath more than anything. 

“I'm sorry i just wanted to paint you, i ne-” you begin rambling, but are cut off by a sudden push forward and a kiss. 

The kiss isn't short, but isn't overly long either.   
You are surprised at first, but then you lean into his touch, wanting to live in the wonderful moment.   
He smells like gunpowder and the ship's odd metallic musty smell, his red turtleneck soft on the pads of your fingers.   
He lets out a small indecipherable word, let out sounding like an almost desperate moan. 

You break apart, your lips now plumper than before and his hat asquew slightly. 

“I was surprised you painted me.. No one has ever done anything like that for me before” he acknowledges your silent inquiry as he leads you to the bedroom.


	9. the affirmation of trust

last one 

You walk around, a quite smile on your face as you tug on the edges of your shirt. 

But part of you wonders, why he did it, and if he really meant it.

And you wanted, needed to find out if he did. 

So you walked into the ship once more, your fists tightening over your shirt. 

—————— 

He is sitting at the captains chair, his shoulders a hard straight line as he cleans his pistol. 

You can tell by the way he rubs the oily cloth over the gun that he is stressed, his usually immaculate ritual becoming sloppy and inconsistent. 

This causes you to worry even more, but you shove that down and take a large breath. 

He hears this, and turns around quickly. 

“Hello-“ He begins to say, his voice thick and accent rougher than usual, as if he hasn’t drank any water. 

“I love you- and I’m sorry if you regretted last night.. but I didn’t. And It’s fine if you kick me off the ship, I would understand..” You ramble on for a minute or so more, him never interrupting you once.   
You cannot decide if this is good or bad, but when you finish, he doesn’t move. 

You can almost see the gears and mindsets shifting in his brain, the overbearing untrustworthiness cracking to reveal someone who needs love just as much as the rest of us. 

He stays silent for several more beats, you frozen in time as his chest rises and falls with each silent breath. 

“I.. love you too.” He says, the words still odd and foreign on his tongue. 

Theses words surprise you,   
you had resigned to the fact that he wasn’t going to say it, that he still  
didn’t trust you enough to hand you his heart. 

But here he was,  
showing a side of him few people have seen, showing you that he trusts you more than he has trusted anyone in a long time. 

Tears prick at the corners of your eyes, but they soon disappear as you walk towards him,   
planting a gentle kiss on his lips.


End file.
